Sense of self
Feeling safe and secure helps children develop their independence, find out how you can help them.
Contents on this page
Why sense of self is important
Babies develop a sense of self by interacting with others and by exploring their bodies and the objects around them.
Feelings of identity grow as you make attempts to understand what a child is thinking. The more you interact with a child and help them to express themselves in words the more understood they will feel. A sense of self comes from the experience of being in the mind of others, feeling valued and understood. If children do not feel understood this can affect feelings of intimacy, trust and attachment later in life.
Human behaviour is motivated by a desire to belong and find a place in the group, in our families, neighbourhoods, schools and society. Relationships with others help children understand that they have a place in society. Supporting children to understand diversity, including that others will have a different background or family type from themselves, will help all children to feel valued and understood.
Sharing everyday experiences supports children’s understanding of how social interactions work. Childcare settings are where children meet new adults and other children.
Video
In this video, an early years expert explains the importance of sense of self in the early years foundation stage framework. There are also some tips on how to support children in this area.
Transcript
Transcript
A child who has a sense of self can challenge themselves.
This helps them become independent, set themselves goals, and be confident to try new activities. As a practitioner, you should create a feeling of safety, as this encourages the child to be their own person. You can do this by being responsive and taking time to understand the child’s feelings.
So we’re going to be thinking about how we establish a sense of self. So how a child is felt to be understood. So the first thing to consider is, how do you begin to understand a child and how do you get to know who they are?
One of the most important things is to value their voice and make sure they’re heard within the setting.
So things like asking permission before changing nappies or asking them if they’re ready for their snack or what they would like to do and giving them an opportunity, especially the ones with limited language, to actually be able to express what they want and their choices.
That’s lovely. And I think it’s so important that children are regarded, regardless of what age they are, and supported, that they know what’s going to come next.
That you don’t just pick them up to change their nappy, but actually asking, seeking permission really enables a child to feel valued. So thanks, Lucy. And what does it look like in the nursery setting, Kerry?
I think as practitioners in a nursery, what we often have to ask ourself is things like, “Do you know that child? Is it there for them? Can they trust you? Can they fly?” Them kind of questions that we constantly ask ourselves about each child, every individual one. And again, I think it starts from a home visit. You find out that information, but also that that child understands that you’re interested, you want to know about them, you want to seek all of this information that you could possibly get.
But also, you look at their subtle cues, too. You look at how they want to be approached, how they want to be cuddled, what kind of affection they do or don’t want from you.
I think it all comes to that. But it’s about questioning, that you’re putting the time and the effort in to actually make sure that relationship is important, and the child knows that, too. So thinking about children’s developing sense of who they are, there are times in the environment where they can feel quite frustrated that things aren’t going the way that they want it to go.
So can you both think of a time where that’s happened in practice?
I think personally, to start with, when I first was starting out my career, I found it really hard to watch children frustrated. I think you immediately want to go into fixing it for them and making it better.
However, after lots of supervision and talks with, whether that be my manager or the team, we were actually able to look at it and think actually, and look at us as practitioners. When you become frustrated, that means that you really care about something. You’re really passionate and you want something to work. But that’s only going to happen if you go through a process.
So I think we’ve started to learn that actually, this is a process now for the children and there is so much learning to take place. But actually, to recognize that if a child’s getting frustrated it’s because it matters. It really is important to that child at that time.
So actually, the way that you approach that is massive for them, and actually, I think being calm, collected yourself. Sometimes just stepping back and watching, or other times giving new ideas or opportunities to be able to work through that frustration, to then get the end result, which hopefully would end up in complete chuffness for a child, like it would for any other adult.
And I think that’s kind of where we’re at now within working in our setting.
Make sure you take the time to understand the child and seek their permission to show that they are an equal and active member of the relationship.
It is important to support the child to make independent choices, take risks, and develop their ideas.
Practitioners should be supported to tolerate the uncertainty and uncomfortable feelings evoked within them when children are taking managed risks.
What the EYFS framework says
Strong, warm and supportive relationships with adults enable children to learn how to understand their own feelings and those of others. Children should be supported to manage emotions, develop a positive sense of self, set themselves simple goals, have confidence in their own abilities, to persist and wait for what they want and direct attention as necessary.
Statutory framework for the early years foundation stage.
What this means in practice
Children need to explore their own potential to discover new things and develop their knowledge and interests. To support children to achieve this you should offer a wide selection of activities planned around children’s individual interests.
Encourage children in your home or nursery setting to make choices. Support children to feel good about themselves and their choices as this will increase their confidence.
Be patient and attentive. The way you interact with children will encourage their sense of themselves and self-confidence. Knowing each child is the key to supporting their sense of self, so plan the environment to reflect their interests.
Make sure children know where everything is in the setting. It helps to offer them continuity and consistency. This supports children to use the environment independently.
A predictable routine encourages a secure sense of self. Giving children advance notice that things are going to change helps them feel prepared. Talk with parents and carers to prepare children for changes to their normal routine.
Suggested activities
‘Our names, ourselves’
Early in the year ask parents or carers how and why their child’s names were chosen. You’ll hear all sorts of family stories and the deeper meaning of some of the names. It can sometimes be quite moving and often intergenerational, for example when children are named after a Grandad. You and the children can make books called ‘the stories of our names’ and they can think about how their names connect to themselves and their families.
Children will enjoy hearing the story of their names and listening to the story of other children’s names.
You can also talk about other family members’ names. Try to learn their names as well as the childrens’ so you can welcome them each day. This leads into the idea that families may have stories or traditions that are specific to them, such as new pyjamas every Christmas Eve, lighting a candle if you pass a Church or an annual family holiday. This will give you a range of materials to work with every year but it starts from the families and works outwards.
How this activity links to the other areas of learning
The focus is on the child’s sense of self. Through the process you will be questioning, describing and widening their technical vocabulary, as well as technological vocabulary (communication and language). Handling the objects develops the children’s fine motor skills (physical development). Children will explore themselves in relation to others and a range of emotions may be explored.
Non-verbal storying
You’ll need:
- a range of open-ended found materials, such as newspaper, cardboard boxes and tubes
- a large whiteboard or paper
- a simple story script that the adult has written, based upon a familiar conflict, such as a conflict over sharing a special toy
Gather the children in small groups as part of your familiar story-time routine.
Draw their attention to a line of masking tape on the floor. This indicates the ‘stage’ area where the story will take place.
Use found material resources to create characters and props in front of the children’s eyes, as the story takes place.
Follow basic 3-point story arc, setup, problem and solution. This should focus on an aspect of emotional learning that children are currently being challenged by, such as sharing resources, or being separated from a parent at drop-off.
Use noises, vocal intonations and drawn symbols and faces to signal thoughts or feelings.
Pause throughout for ‘I wonder’ moments, offering children a chance to contribute their ideas around characters’ feelings or possible resolutions.
At the end of the story, leave the resources for children to explore, perhaps using the pre-made characters to re-tell, innovate or invent stories, or create their own props and characters using the modelling resources.
How this activity links to the other areas of learning
The focus is on children expressing emotions. Through the process you will be questioning, describing and widening their technical vocabulary, as well as technological vocabulary (communication and language). Handling the objects develops the children’s fine motor skills and enacting the experiences gross motor skills (physical development). Children will explore their developing sense of self and their relationships with others.
Other activities
The I see you game helps children learn some identity skills.
The Make a treasure box and Make a memory book activities help them to store memories about themselves and make a history.
What other nurseries and childminders are doing
“In our childcare setting each child has their own special box. They can put whatever they want in it, for example their blanket or a toy car”.
Nursery worker, Pen Green centre, Corby
“We care for children as individuals and remember what is happening. If they leave on Friday telling us about going to a birthday party at the weekend we will talk to them on Monday about it. We also make sure we remember the important people in their lives”.
Nursery worker, Kingswood nursery, Corby
Summary
Children who have a sense of self are able to challenge themselves. This helps them become independent and secure to face challenges in other areas of learning.
If children do not feel a sense of security, they may not be able to settle into their environment and may struggle to learn or develop.
If you respond to children and try to understand their feelings, they will feel safe. A feeling of safety encourages children to be their own person and take part in the experiences on offer.
Children need to try out different ways for asserting themselves and keeping themselves safe.
Next steps
Consider this as a possible activity to examine how well you know each child. This will help you develop an awareness of their sense of self.
Imagine the child is asking you these questions. What would you answer on their behalf?
- Do you know me?
- Can I trust you?
- Do you hear me?
- Is this a fair place for me?
We suggest doing this every half term and going back to revisit it. You could keep a folder for each child.
Consider how your curriculum supports children to play independently.
Review your curriculum to ensure you cover the requirements in the EYFS for this area of learning.